Of Perception and Reality

It was a Saturday afternoon, many years ago. I had gone to work to interview someone for a senior Marketing role for a company that I was working for. It was to happen at 3 pm. The office closed at 1 pm and I was the only person in the office. I told the sulking receptionist, who had to stay back just for me, that he was to call me when the candidate arrived.

And then I started the long wait for the person to turn up. I did not even care to read the resume. It was just too long … meant the person was very verbose. I was already forming an opinion. At 3 PM, I went to the reception. I was getting angry, how could anyone keep me waiting! I asked the receptionist and he said that no one had turned up. I did see a person clad in a squalid trouser and a tee shirt, slippers and unkempt hair, unshaven, reading a newspaper. I went back to the room. Came back in 15 minutes and again asked and the receptionist said that save that scraggy person there was no one around.

I mustered some effort, went up to him and asked if he was waiting for anyone and he said he was waiting for the head of HR to meet him. His English was faultless, rich. He can even speak well, not bad, I thought. I asked if he was S and he said he was. I asked him to follow me and walked up a lot briskly ahead up the unlit corridor. All that was going on in my mind was – “Oh God, give me the wisdom not to judge him too early, too soon.” I reached my office and sat behind a big teakwood desk. In those days, we were indulgent to a fault. Very British décor!

Then started a fascinating conversation that was to last half an hour but went on for a full two hours. We spoke about many things and it was easily the best interview that I have been part of. I was listening to a very grounded and wonderful person. At the end of it, I told S that I was very happy about his candidature and that I would get him to meet our MD. We were going to shake hands and at that moment he asked me, “Why have you not asked me about my attire?”

Without waiting for me to respond, he added that he was coming from the cremation ground having laid his beloved uncle to dust and rest. That he had no time to go home and change and wanted to keep the time agreed on and had rushed to the interview. He also added that he was very touched that I had not asked him about it. He said that regardless of the outcome, he would stay connected and left the room.

How do I tell him that it was a great lesson for me? I had formed a negative opinion about him and would not make the cut. And had judged him way ahead of the interview based on what I saw. Between perception and the reality is a mind that is already made up. If the gates of reason were to remove the filters, we can see more clearly. Perception is skin deep while reality is at the heart of the matter. He did not care about his dress, was focused on doing the right thing of keeping time.

Small detail, I still keep in touch with S, who is a CEO of a very large company. A smaller detail, he was from IIM Cal. And did not take the job we offered. Said he wanted a smaller job.

Of Lessons in Life & Warm Hugs

Ram met S this morning. S was a very simple man. Highly accomplished in his field. Very soft

spoken. Pleasant. He dropped in to tell his boss Ram that he had decided to quit the firm. All

very rushed. Ram was in two minds. He needed S but he was not sure if it was right to keep S

who was getting a big job in another company. S had come in to bid him goodbye and to see if

he could get some advice from him as to how to deal with life and growth within.

Ram was a tough man. Not given to a lot of words. Instead he asked S a question. What will
this change mean to your family? That was a golden question. S calmly explained that it would
be a great one for his family as it would give him more time with his wife who was suffering
from a depression. Something about his wife’s condition that was like a bipolar disorder –
given to bouts of depression, and when she was out of it she was an angel. And she did not
remember a thing about her past behavior. Ram was getting a bit nervous about the sensitive
information coming his way. He wanted to be empathetic but not sure if he was good enough.

S told him that despite all this, he deeply loved his wife and would want to go through any
trouble to be just with her. And that he had been counseled that he should perhaps divorce
her, etc. Ram was now out of his depth. He feebly asked S about how long did the condition
last. About 20% of the time she was in the troubled zone he was told. This was a bit much.
Once in 5 days! And before he could ask more questions, S asked Ram as to what he needed
to do to be a better manager and a human being. Ram was bamboozled! Why then would he
continue to stay with his troubled wife if she was off 20% of the time?

S sat back. For about 80% of the time when she is normal, it is worth every moment, he said.
She was very caring and affectionate, an epitome of goodness, someone to be emulated. S
was lost in his words. And quietly added, “Because I respect her.”

It was Ram’s turn to be silent. What advice could he give to someone who was so humane?
He did what he could do best — walked up to S and gave him a warm hug and clung on to him
a tad more. For in that hug, he had just met his teacher!

Of Routine Matters and the Gift of Life

He was but an ordinary guy doing an ordinary job in an ordinary company. In the course of his job ‘Joe,’ let us call him that, had many requests and applications coming to him, and in some he had to weigh in with his views. All good. Many were about loans to be sanctioned and some were about making some exceptions. All very routine. He did what he could in his ordinary way to address each of these, on merit.

One day an ex-employee ‘Yo’ called him. Said it was the eighth birthday day of his daughter and asked him to be there for it was an important event. He found some excuse to extricate himself from such ordinary events. Yo was persistent, came home to meet him and told him a few things about his life over the past 4 years since he had left the city. He reminisced about many things including a loan. Said that he had applied for a medical loan for his daughter who was in critical condition at the hospital. And that the application had come up to Joe for approval. It was an amount that was twice the eligibility of Yo. Something that has never been approved of ever.

And yet, Joe had cleared it. With a small postscript ‘as a special case,’ just in case this came up for questioning by the auditors. He asked Joe if he remembered this case. Joe was quick to respond with a ‘no, don’t remember.’

Yo then told him that he owed his daughter’s life to Joe’s timely action. He was running from pillar to post and he had approached Joe with the request and was pleasantly surprised that the loan amount was approved. Joe mumbled something and the meeting was over. But not for Joe!

He sat back and thought about the number of cases he had handled in all his routineness. A small act of approval of a loan, with a small application of mind, had saved a life! It was not an ordinary job after all! An act of great kindness is one where the giver does not know it and the receiver does. If this is what a routine job could do, look what he could have done with application of mind, he thought.

Joe was lost in his world of ordinariness of what he should carry as a gift for the daughter, as she has already has had a gift of life.

Of Dentist Bills and Kindness

They were driving back from the temple. An old mother and her son. She wanted a pill that would kill her toothache. He felt it best to get her a dental check-up. It was a modest clinic, something that he would hesitate to take his mother to. 

He gently held her hand and walked her in. Clean place, young dentist. A pretty looking receptionist. He carefully assisted his mother into the dentist’s chair. Took great care to translate the dentist’s instructions in English of the process, thereafter, patiently escorted her back to the car. 

It was certain that the offending tooth had to be removed. The mother nodded smilingly. The following morning the tooth was extracted. Almost routine stuff. The old lady was asked to wait at the reception thereafter.

Meanwhile, the dentist asked for the son to meet him at his office. “I could not sleep last night, and you were the reason,” he said. “The way you held your mother was not lost on me. My wife, the receptionist, noticed it as well. When I was going to retire to bed, she said – “Hey, do you treat your mother the same way? And will you treat her this way when she is old infirm?” 

“If that is not enough, my pregnant wife felt her her stomach and asked me, “Will the child in me, treat me in the same way, when I am old and hard of hearing?” I was reflecting on the care, respect and gentleness you showed to your mother, and had a restless night of guilt '. 

Care is a matter of the heart in action. Elders need care the way the infants do. The son was clearly at a loss of words. He smiled and nodded, held the dentist’s hands and said that he would be even a better son than he, and left his office.

He met the receptionist, and asked her for the bill. The radiant lady waved him off. Paid in full with a poignant lesson learnt about elder care, she added. 

Life is beautiful, cheerfully waving at the mother. Just beautiful!

Of Meaningful Chats and Meteoric Careers

He was a maverick. Correction, he is a maverick! Let us call him M. He was a successful sales guy working in a mid-sized IT company. One day, he put down his papers. Said he was getting a much better offer, big fat ESOP and a salary about 3 times his current pay, from an MNC. His CEO, a rock star himself, tried his best to retain him, of no avail. Per process, he had to meet the HR head, a fairly new man in the firm. Everyone was resigned to his resignation.

The HR head knew it was an uphill task trying to reason against a compelling offer. He knew that he was looking at a very talented man, an engineer he did not want to lose. But it looked hopeless. And as all things bright and beautiful, it all starts with a chat.

A dialogue is a difficult thing and this was a crucial conversation. He decided to start with the heart. For, the heart is where life begins and ends anyway. He asked M to speak of what he wanted – not from the head but from his heart - what he valued, what he wanted of life, and where he wanted to reach. He gently added that he had all the time in the world to help him make the right choice. He said he wanted M to succeed in his life and that was all he cared about. And he meant it. You will be surprised how opportunities spring when you keep a willing heart and an open mind, he said.

M spoke about his family, his parents, and wafted into a dream-world of aspirations. It is magical to listen to someone who had so much to ask of life. The HR guy was now even more interested in making sure he supported M. ‘I can help you change the course of your destiny, far beyond your aspirations. And I need 2 years of your life’, he added. M said, he would think it over.

One of the best ways to influence someone is to just listen to them – with care. Helplessness is a stage of inaction of a weak mind and actions abound for the brave heart. M’s strengths and his aspirations were weighed for that day against the potential of the future. M was told he would make a good HR professional and that he would invest in his development, personally. M took a day to agree. The HR guy pressed on ‘ Hey, what about that company’s ‘offer one could never refuse?’ M smiled and said – I just did !

Things happened in a whir. In six months he got seconded to the US office. One day, he called his leader and said he was getting bored. Not unexpected, of course! Another of those conversations – M was told ¬ to get an education, at London School of Economics no less, and added that he would provide all the testimonials he needed. That would be easy to write, was the thoughtful encouragement.

Rise he did, he would. Meteoric it was, of course. M put in hard work, kept an open mind, directed energies to build a career of choice. “Each one has ¬ the edge. The talent edge. Just keep at it, hone it, feed it with a spot of education and a dollop of ‘can-do’ attitude. And smile a lot,” M said. Make bold moves with confidence. Really bold. Ah, the power of a meaningful conversation. The significant changes it brings.

Oh, I forgot to mention, M is the HR Director for a fantastic firm in the social media world. Works out of Singapore. The gracious M never forgot that HR chap.

Of Payroll nights and Shining Diamonds

He was a different kind of guy. I met him 15 years ago. It was almost 11 PM and I took my briefcase (those days, office-goers had these things called briefcase), and was headed out of my office (those days, no work from home flexibility). As I was going out, I saw a light in the corner of the large work bay. Out of curiosity, I walked towards it and heard some humming and foot tapping. He was the lone guy there, printing reams of paper. Payroll slips, he said. He had some radio in the background, which he switched off, out of respect. Those days there was plenty of respect.

I was new and asked him about his background. He said he did his MBA from a place I had not heard of. This was not going right. For me, a premier institute guy, and an arrogant one at that, it is difficult to absorb this. A one-year program and the institute shut shop after he graduated, he added happily. I winced. He said he graduated in history. My impression of him headed south. And his marks—I will never forget this—48%! Third class, he said with a smile. He said he was glad his college was over. LOL!

Let me call him ‘M’! I asked M why he was working late. He said that it was very important to ensure quality and he was checking everything. It was difficult to ignore this guy. M seemed so happy doing what he was doing. Moreover, he was passionate about doing it right. And he had a sense of humor. My impression about him was melting as he took me through some details. His excellence in his work was shining through. He had a glint in his eye. He looked confident. I started to like this chap. I left the place deep in thought. Excellence is all around if you choose to be aware of it.

The next day, our Regional Manager-West, called me and was pounding me for not finding a right HR lead for the West. I told him I found such a person, and that he was my right hand man. He was my best and had to be empowered, I added. Next I called M, and asked him if he was willing to go to Mumbai as the Regional’s HR head. “Happy to,” he said, adding, “Naukari kari, toh na, na-kari’. Loosely translated - never say no, if there is a job to be done. I had every confidence in him. The best part, he was not even a Manager at that time.

M turned out to be a winner all the way. He was voted the best HR Manager time and again. I had the privilege to be working with him for a few years and then he left. He grew rapidly in a short period of time. His mantra: “Stay positive, be passionate at work, never miss an opportunity, and stay ahead of the game – always.”

M called me recently to let me know that he was going to some faraway fun place — Hawaii. Said, he was chosen as one of the top 1% of performers of one of the top U.S. computer firms. Said, he was going for the 4th time. I forgot all about his background and his third-class marks in college.

You can never put a good man down. What a diamond! We don’t care which mine the diamond came from or its pedigree. Diamonds sparkle in the darkest nights and in the brightest of times. Diamonds are Diamonds. Forever!

Ah yes, I forgot a minor detail, Mahi is an HR Director in that company.

Of Departed Flights and Goodness

Let me call him AB. I did not know him well. He was a very senior person in the industry. I held a slightly arm’s length with him. In meetings he was always vociferous and made his points clearly. Today was no different. In all the cacophony in the room, his voice was clear and soft. He ran his own company. I was not sure of him. I thought he was wanting to get something from everyone. After the meeting, he said he would drop me to the airport. I agreed. Nice car, his BMW. We reached the airport. He parked his car and he wanted to have some coffee with me. He was doing some ‘business development’ I thought. He had 40 minutes, he said.

The coffee arrived as did a lean young man with a hint of worry on his forehead. He hesitatingly asked us if we could help him. He had missed his flight and the airline was not in a position to take him on the next without a fresh ticket, which was really expensive. He was going to Srinagar. And he had no money to foot the big cost.

Here we were two suited gentlemen and he thought we wielded some influence! I was not sure what to do. AB did not hesitate. He simply asked some questions and asked me if we would help the man in trouble. He did not wait for a response, and went to the reservation counter and spent the next 30 minutes speaking with passion that we ought to be gentler with our Kashmiri brother. Rulebooks were thrown at us. AB would not give up. I added my two rupees’ worth.

Finally, the reservation manager relented and a fresh ticket was issued for a flight the next day – something that is seldom done. All thanks to AB, for a complete stranger who approached us.

AB need never have done this. Yet he did. And he did not allow for any big drama of gratitude. And made it look easy in the eyes of a stranger who almost gave up hope of getting back and in time, to his family.

How easy it is to judge someone and sometimes unfairly, and carry an impression that is never validated. A simple act of kindness witnessed at close quarters left me in wonderment.

Respect does not grow in an instant. In my case it did. And I was acutely aware of my failing - Inability to see the goodness beyond the image is the same as impaired vision. I thanked the young man. It was time to leave. Our 40 minutes were up. I felt the extra warmth when I hugged AB.

It took a departed flight to understand the goodness in someone.